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Our parents raised us on tales of things that went bump in the night. We grew up with scary stories of creatures creepy and crawly. Some monsters come from above the skies, some from below the sea. Others hide in plain sight or forests far away from us. Boogeymen even lurk under the bed or in the closet, so we grew up believing. Those fantastical fears stick with us as we grow older, and turn from fright to wonder. People search for Bigfoot, swim with sharks and scan the skies. Hey, we even make bongs. That’s right, this week we take a look at Touch of Glass: Fear Ye The Monsters!

Ganja-cabra

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This creature roams the forests at night, slashing guerrilla grows to the ground. It leaves no trace of bud in its wake. Its penetrating gaze can turn men to stone, but if that fails, it can emit a vapor that does the same. Beware the Ganja-cabra.

Mind siphon

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This otherworldly being feeds on the positive energies of humans. First, it lures their curiosity with a harmless appearance. Then it forces them to inhale vast quantities of cannabis. Once it has put them in a state of ecstasy, it saps their minds of the potent visions and leaves them unconscious on the couch. On the way out, it also steals any cookies that might be handy for dessert.

Abyssal guardian

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A demigod denizen of the deep once wore this face. Over millennia, the being devolved into madness harnessing arcane arts for power. Its body eroded away by the ocean’s currents, only the skull of power remains. It is said that he who honors it with a burnt offering of sweet herbs can feel the rush of power that coursed through it long ago, if only for a short while.

Harvest the Worm

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An archaeological dig in ancient Mayan ruins decades ago unleashed an evil entity buried for centuries. The stone shrine cursed those who would open it with never tasting sweet cannabis again. Unabashed, the scientists broke the seal. Devouring the entire camp, the monster burrowed through both soil and flesh with ease.

Only the brave actions of two lone survivors tricked the vile monstrosity back into its stone tomb. Though they survived the massacre, Merc & Worm went insane and were locked away. In their cell at the asylum, they fashioned this totem over the years from chewing gum and paperclips, worshipping it in fear of its return. The asylum does not recognize cannabis as medicine.

The most gruesome fiend in the galaxy

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This vile space hag resides on the other side of my backyard. It is known as a “Neighbor,” and drinks the blood of the innocent, mixed with cheap gin. With the high power resolution on its death ray, it snoops on potential prey, preventing them from enjoying their herb, or even a game of catch, in peace.

The ray emits a screeching blast that sounds like a cross between a dying goat and an old drunk woman complaining about my kids playing too loudly.

Monsters honorable mention

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Not exactly monstrous, but this piece certainly invites amusement!

Have you seen monsters like these in your nightmares? Do you want to take a flaming torch to them like an angry mob? Tell us what kind of “kindling” you would bring to the blaze on social media or in the comments below.

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