Friends who smoke together, stay together. Some of the best memories are made in dingy basements, local parks, empty parking lots, or wherever you and your buddies go when you get together to spark it up. Wherever you hold your sessions, these five types of stoners always seem to show up in the circle. Does your group have a gearhead—the person who always has the latest and most intricate cannabis tech? What about the oldhead—the classic smoker who keeps going on about how they did it back in the day? Keep reading to find out which stoner stereotype you fit into!
Our first type of stoner is The Naturalist. You know that vegan guy who is always checking to make sure the bud is free of pesticides, only rolls his joints with Zig-Zag Organic Hemp Papers, and is skeptical of vape carts—that’s The Naturalist.
Their deep appreciation of nature hugely benefits the group on outdoor excursions like camping trips, and their commitment to only purchasing sustainably grown products helps push growers and manufacturers into being good stewards of the planet. Don’t toss your roach on the ground in front of The Naturalist unless you want an earful about the damage littering can do to the environment.
You can spot The Naturalist by their shaggy hair, flowy clothes, and well-worn Birkenstocks. Often found within arm’s reach of an acoustic guitar, The Naturalist is prepared to serenade your group with Neil Young covers at the drop of a hat.
Next up we have The Gearhead. As the cannabis industry continues to grow at such blistering speeds, the available technology we have to consume it with is constantly evolving. For most of us, keeping up with the latest gadgets can be overwhelming, but staying on top of the trends is natural for The Gearhead.
For everyday use The Gearhead usually prefers the latest vaporizer that lets them control their high by precisely calibrating temperature settings, but know that they have a device stashed away for any situation. When The Gearhead rolls their joints, they’re gonna use more than just a paper. Expect to see a rolling tray and rolling machine come out during the process. For The Gearhead, it’s all about using the right tool for the job.
Spot The Gearhead by their impressive collection of paraphernalia. Their living rooms often resemble a headshop with the multiple dab rigs, intricate glass pieces complete with ash catchers and percolators that look like they came out of a chemistry lab, and various sizes of vaporizers lying around. They probably still have their original Volcano from back in 2008 sitting in a closet somewhere.
Some folks just have a higher tolerance for the ganja than the rest of us. The Heavy-Hitter is the one in the group who takes the biggest bong rips, the fattest dabs, smokes the most blunts, but never seems to hit the wall or devolve into a sweaty, paranoid, couchlock. It may be impressive to witness The Heavy-Hitter in action, but the price of all that sweet cannabis requires some deep pockets.
The Heavy-Hitter doesn’t waste their time smoking skinny joints and prefers to stuff Zig-Zag King Size Rolling Papers with so much flower, that it spills out the ends. One joint isn’t going to be enough to sate them either, so be prepared for multiple sessions when hanging out with them.
The OG Snoop Dogg, and The Redheaded Stranger Willy Nelson are two celebrity examples of Heavy-Hitters. When it comes to your own friend group, spot The Heavy-Hitter by their bleary-eyed thousand-yard stare, their mischievously charming grin, and their relaxed, chilled-out attitude.
On the opposite side of the spectrum from The Heavy-Hitter, we have The Novice. This is the one in the session who is either completely new to cannabis or doesn’t frequently imbibe. They may not know all the slang or etiquette, but every one of us has been this type of stoner at one point in our lives, and we should remember that as we help The Novice along on their cannabis journey.
When The Novice brings a joint to a session, odds are there’s gonna be issues with it. They will likely have rolled it too loose causing it to canoe, or too tight to take a drag from, but that’s okay—it can take years of practice to perfectly pearl a doobie, and we all have to start somewhere. If you’re The Novice in your group, try using a pre-rolled cone instead of a traditional paper.
Spot The Novice by their trembling joint rolling hands, and their proclivity to tap out of sessions early due to their low tolerance.
Meet The Oldhead—the one of your friends who can’t stop going on about how their generation did it better. When you pass them the aux cord, don’t expect to hear anything that came out this millennium. They may seem a bit curmudgeonly and resistant to change, but if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
The Oldhead only rolls their Js with classic papers like the iconic Zig-Zag French Oranges, and you’ll never see them toking from any fancy pen vape.
Hanging out with The Oldhead is like kicking it with a history book. They have tons of great stories from the good ‘ole days and can teach you youngins a thing or two. Spot The Oldhead by their out of style dress. Depending on just how old your Oldhead is, this could be the psychedelic colors and bell-bottom jeans of the groovy 1970s, or the oversized t-shirts and baggy pants of the late 1990s.
Diversity is a big part of what makes being human so fun and exciting, and nothing brings us together quite like the sticky smoke of cannabis. If you really want to get the most joy out of your sessions, then save a place in the circle for everyone. Regardless of whichever stoner stereotype you fall into, Ziz-Zag has a premium paper for you to roll up with that’s perfect for you.
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