Just as there are various types of weed, there are various types of weed smokers. Which one are you?
Friends who smoke together, stay together. Some of the best memories are made in dingy basements, local parks, empty parking lots, or wherever you and your buddies go to spark up.
Wherever you are, these five types of stoners always appear in the circle. Now’s about the only time we’re giving into stoner stereotypes.
While the lazy, ambitionless stoner could not be further from the weed smokers today, there are a few stoner stereotypes that someone in your group probably fits. Who knows, it might even be you. Read on to see which type of weed smoker you are.
Our first type of stoner is The Naturalist. That vegan smoker who’s always checking to make sure their buds are organic and their papers are bleach and dye-free. Oh yeah, they’re skeptical of vape carts too.
Their deep appreciation of nature hugely benefits the group on outdoor excursions like camping trips. This stoner’s commitment to only purchasing sustainably grown products helps push growers and manufacturers into a more climate-friendly place.
Don’t toss your roach on the ground in front of The Naturalist unless you want an earful about the damage littering can do to the environment and wasting that leftover weed!
You can spot The Naturalist by their shaggy hair, flowy clothes, and well-worn Birkenstocks. Often found within arm’s reach of an acoustic guitar, The Naturalist is prepared to serenade your group with Neil Young covers at the drop of a hat.
Next up, we have The Gearhead. As the cannabis industry continues to evolve, the available technology we have to consume it with is improving too.
For most of us, keeping up with the latest gadgets can be overwhelming, but staying on top of the trends is natural for The Gearhead. For everyday use, The Gearhead usually prefers the latest vaporizer that lets them control their high by precisely calibrating temperature settings.
They have a device stashed for any situation. When The Gearhead rolls their joints, they’ll use more than just paper. Expect to see a rolling tray and a rolling machine come out during the process. For The Gearhead, it’s all about using the right tool for the job.
Spot The Gearhead by their impressive collection of paraphernalia. Their living rooms often resemble a headshop with multiple dab rigs, intricate glass pieces with ash catchers, and percolators that look like they came from a chemistry lab. They probably still have their original Volcano from back in 2008 sitting in a closet somewhere.
Some folks just have a higher tolerance for weed than the rest of us. The Heavy-Hitter is the one in the group who takes the biggest bong rips, the fattest dabs, and smokes the most blunts but never seems to hit the wall or devolve into a sweaty, paranoid couchlock.
It may be impressive to witness The Heavy-Hitter in action, but the price of all that sweet cannabis requires some deep pockets. The Heavy-Hitter doesn’t waste their time smoking skinny joints and prefers to stuff their rolls with so much flower that it spills out the ends.
One joint isn’t enough to sate them either, so be prepared for multiple sessions when hanging out with them. The OG Snoop Dogg and the redheaded stranger Willy Nelson are two celebrity examples of Heavy-Hitters.
When it comes to your friend group, spot The Heavy-Hitter by their bleary-eyed thousand-yard stare, mischievously charming grin, and relaxed, chilled-out attitude.
On the opposite side of the spectrum from The Heavy-Hitter, we have The Novice. This is the one in the session who is either completely new to cannabis or doesn’t frequently indulge.
They may not know all the slang or etiquette, but every one of us has been this type of stoner at one point in our lives, and we should keep that in mind as we help The Novice along their cannabis journey.
When The Novice brings a joint to a session, odds are, there will be issues with it. They will likely have rolled it too loose, causing it to canoe, or too tight to take a drag from, but that’s okay—it can take years of practice to perfectly pearl a doobie, and we have to start somewhere.
If you’re The Novice in your group, try using a pre-rolled cone instead of a traditional paper. Spot The Novice by their trembling joint rolling hands and tendency to tap out of sessions early.
Meet The Back-In-My-Day Stoner—the one who can’t stop rambling about how their generation did it better. Even if you’re the same age, they rave about how the 70s did it best.
When you pass them the aux cord, don’t expect to hear anything that came out this millennium. They may seem a bit hesitant and resistant to change, but if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
The Back-In-My-Day Stoner only rolls their Js with classic papers, and you’ll never see them toking from a fancy pen vape. Hanging out with The Back-In-My-Day Stoner is like kicking it with a history book. They have many great stories from the good ‘ol days and can teach youngins a thing or two.
Spot The Back-In-My-Day Stoner by their out-of-style dress. Depending on just how old your pal is, this could be the psychedelic colors and bell-bottom jeans from the groovy 1970s or the oversized t-shirts and baggy pants of the late 1990s. Chances are, they have a beard too.
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