How to grow weed in your closet without getting caught

If you want to start the perfect secret grow-op, this is what you need to know.

Dec 7, 2017
How to grow weed.

Photo by Thomas Trutschel/Photothek via Getty Images

The cannabis plant is notoriously indiscreet. From ordering the seeds to cultivating them, state laws and nosey housemates can make for a risky growing operation. That’s why we’ve decided to give you a step-by-step guide for how to grow weed in your home. While there’s no 100% risk-free guarantee for any illegal growing operation, this guide will get you as close as possible.

How to grow weed step 1: don’t tell anybody. Anybody.

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Denver, CO – APRIL 14: Marijuana growers arrested at a residence, 2750 W Archer Pl in Denver. April 14, 2016, in Denver, CO. (Photo By Joe Amon/The Denver Post via Getty Images)

It’s natural to be excited about growing your first plant. But fight the urge to tell your friends. I don’t care how trustworthy they are; humans are simply not made for secret-keeping. Especially when it comes to growing weed. Your friend will tell “just one other trustworthy friend,” who will tell another friend, and before you know it, you’ll have to explain to your housemates why somebody wanted to break into your home.

How to grow weed step 2: know where to order your seeds.

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Photo by Matt McClain/ The Washington Post via Getty Images

Due to U.S. federal law, you won’t get in trouble or put on a list so long as your seeds are ordered from a different country. While the chances of getting yourself in legal trouble are still slim if you’re ordering seeds from within the U.S., you’re better off to take maximum precautions and resource your seeds from another country. Canada is a safe bet, due to the country’s relaxed marijuana laws, high-quality product, and proximity. If you’re looking to order from Canada, try here (they give you free seeds with every order).

For extra precaution, particularly if you live in a prohibitionist state, don’t ship your seeds to the same address you plan to grow at. The idea here is to reduce the paper trail, and prevent the possibility of your housemates from receiving the package instead of you.

How to grow weed step 3: take steps to eliminate the smell of your cannabis plant.

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While this won’t eliminate the smell, it’s best to purchase a low-odor strain. Try Northern Lights, Durban Poison, Polar Express or Blue Mystic.

Purchase an odor neutralizer, like ONA Pro Gel. All you need to do is place the opened jar in the same room as your plant, and it will help to eliminate the smell. Just don’t place the jar too close to your marijuana plant, as you run the risk of affecting the plant’s natural fragrance. Replace your jar of odor neutralizer every six weeks.

How to grow weed step 4: construct your grow-box.

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Photo courtesy of DHamDIY via Youtube

The most difficult part of this whole process will be constructing a grow-box. This will allow you to grow one or two plants in a self-contained, relatively airtight box, concealing both your plants and their strong smell.

The best option for this is to convert a mini-fridge, which will contain the smell of your plants. You can also fashion a grow-box out of a dresser, or even cardboard, but regarding managing your plants’ smell, a mini-fridge will work best. 

Luckily, there are a few growers who have posted DIY tutorials with pictures of every step. Here’s one step-by-step guide for assembling your mini-fridge grow-op. Here’s another one. This is a step-by-step guide for turning a dresser into a grow box. Here’s one made out of cardboard boxes. You can also order this pre-made cannabis grow-box, which will take care of the growing process and message your phone when your plant is ready for harvesting.

Whichever route you decide to take, it’s recommended that you hide your grow-box in the closet of your bedroom, and for extra precaution, toss some blankets or clothes over it and maybe stack a few random boxes on top of it. This is mainly to prevent nosey housemates from discovering the mini-fridge in your closet and taking a peek inside.

How to grow weed step 5: harvest strategically.

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Photo by Chris Hondros/Getty Images)

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Make sure you have a game plan for harvesting—ideally when your housemates won’t be home for an extended period. Otherwise, find a safe place to properly dry and cure your herbs. It’s at this point that you might reach out to a trustworthy friend with a 420 friendly home. Once you’ve correctly dried and cured your herbs, stick them in an airtight mason jar for safe keeping. And don’t forget to pat yourself on the back. You did it! Now it’s time to enjoy your hard earned, homegrown bud.

Dec 7, 2017