My trippy Thanksgiving is why you should never store cannabutter in your family fridge

Welcome to the worst Thanksgiving of my life.

Nov 27, 2017
Thanksgiving Cannabutter

Photo by David Young-Wolff/ Getty Images

Folks, cannabis butter may be on the pungent side, but it’s a handy-dandy ingredient for all kinds of good edibles. That said if you don’t live alone (and frankly even if you do) make sure to store the stuff in a secure place. Don’t just leave it in a little bowl or wrapped in some tinfoil. Take this one tale of terror as experienced by a Reddit user from Arizona.

User Dreamblook (since deleted) alerted /r/trees about his sticky situation. “Guys my naive mother used my CANNABUTTER to make dinner with,” wrote Dreamblook. “Apparently we were out of real butter and she used mine because she thought it was “vegan butter”. My entire family just ate chicken made with high-quality cannabutter. I have around 45 mins before it kicks in.WHAT DO I DO GUYS?”

Of course, if you have to post “my family just ate my weed food by accident is the anything I can do” on the internet, then, it is probably too late. A prisoner to the tides of time and misfortune, Dreamblook simply updated the people of the internet of the unraveling situation. His sister locked herself in her room, Dreamblook presumed she had simply hit the hay. His father and uncle seemed to be handling themselves pretty well. His mother, however, wasn’t faring as nicely.

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This four gram, fully smokeable Thanksgiving joint was rolled by Tony Greenhand. Photo courtesy of Tony Greenhand

Having no prior experience with cannabis, Dreamblook’s mother asked if there was anything wrong with his ‘vegan butter.’ The poster, unable to fess up, suggested that perhaps the butter had spoiled and what they were feeling was a form of food poisoning. “My mother,” wrote Dreamblook, “is going apeshit and wants to go the hospital. My uncle keeps on trying to talk her out of it.”

Dreamblook began to grow suspicious of his uncle’s handling of the situation. “He noticed what it was when he ate it,” wrote Dreamblook in one update. “He approached my dad about it, who said he had no idea but that my mom used my “vegan butter”. So my uncle told him what was up, so that is why my father has not been freaking out. My father is slightly more liberal about drugs then I thought, apparently he smoked in high school but still didn’t recognize the taste. He is the type who likes Ronald Regan and Donald Trump so I’m kinda surprised.”

Dreamblook said that his father appeared angry, looking to fight with him, but couldn’t maintain his negativity for more than 30 seconds. The good news is his mother did eventually mellow out, experiencing some kind of suburban ego death and trying to make some art. The bad news is Dreamblook’s night was about to get much worse.

As it turned out, the poster’s sister had not been sleeping but grappling with her own bad trip. In a followup post, Dreamblook explains that his sister believed herself to be dying and called 911. Police and ambulances came. The uncle turned out to have marijuana on him and took the heat for the entire incident, landing himself in jail. Dreamblook’s parents then kicked the user out of the house, the final post coming from a gas station as he arranged for somewhere to sleep for the night. And that appears to be where the story ends, with one cannabis mishandler roaming down that lonely highway

So, good readers, this Thanksgiving give thanks for Tupperware: the plastic food preserver that, for some reason, most second parties dare not investigate and often makes for a safe little box for unassuming edibles.

Nov 27, 2017