The best distractions for when you’re waiting for your dealer

There’s nothing more frustrating than sitting around waiting for a text.

Dec 21, 2017
Spongebobsquarepants

Photo via SpongebobSquare Pants

In the best case scenario, you already have weed. But oversight is a cruel and vicious beast, and an unaccountable dealer is crueler. Weed isn’t going to come out of nowhere (unless you forgot you left a gram in the top drawer).

Here’s a list of suggested activities to keep yourself busy while you’re waiting for your dealer, depending on how long you have.

2-3 Minutes: Check your email

via GIPHY

It doesn’t take very long to see if you have any messages while waiting for your dealer. And if there’s something urgent, I’m sure the sender would really appreciate a prompt reply!

3-5 Minutes: Read up on this UFO business in The New York Times

via GIPHY

Some folks seem to be upset that the New York Times sent their Pulitzer-winning Pentagon reporter to cover space aliens. Other folks are fashioning tinfoil hats. Not saying I’ve been convinced of extraterrestrial visitations, but it’s wild stuff nonetheless. See what you think while waiting for your dealer.

5-10 Minutes: Die like eight times in ‘Zelda: Breath of the Wild’

via GIPHY

While waiting for your dealer, five to ten minutes is plenty of time to discover another shrine, find a nice new sword, or most likely die repeatedly by your own folly in Nintendo’s latest adventure in the world of Zelda!

10-20 Minutes: Prepare a batch of fermented soy eggs

via GIPHY

While waiting for your dealer, it’s always good to prepare some snacks for after you smoke up—and to take your instant ramen to the next level. It’s as simple as peeling a few hard boiled eggs (put vinegar in the boiling water to soften the shells) and then leaving the fresh eggs in a simmering mixture of soy sauce, water and sugar. Easy, peasy and best of all, tasty!

20-30 Minutes: Play Timothy Leary’s video game

via GIPHY

The acid pioneer did a lot of experimenting with technology, and in the early 80s, EA (yeah, that EA) released a game based on his dissertation. Finding a copy is only easier than finding a vintage computer to play it on, but the Internet Archive has your back with a free to play emulation. Get reborn as a tree while waiting for your dealer.

30-40 Minutes: Listen to ‘Born to Run’

via GIPHY

Forty minutes is just enough time to listen to Bruce Springsteen’s third studio album, with raucous hits like Thunder Road and Jungleland. 

40-50 Minutes: Call your local representative

via GIPHY

It’s never a bad idea to call your local representative to remind them that you, the citizen who put them in office, want marijuana legalized. It’s not that hard to find out who that person is. Most importantly, when your dealer rings, tell your rep that you have to go because your drugs have arrived.

1-2 Hours: Revisit a portion of ‘The Hobbit‘ films

via GIPHY

Were they really as bad as you remember? Only one way to find out!

2-5 Hours: Watch Errol Morris’ MK Ultra doc on Netflix

via GIPHY

You could watch one of our ten best movies on Netflix. But if you have the time, why not burn through Errol Morris’ mini-series about the US government’s bewildering mind control program, which led to the proliferation of LSD and the 60s counterculture movement. There’s also a mysterious death involved. Peter Sarsgaard is in it!

5-20 Hours: Take up growing weed

via GIPHY

Exercising your green thumb can be a calming and rewarding pastime. Plus, depending on your garden, you might consider bypassing your dealer altogether. You can start by figuring out where to buy the best marijuana seeds online.

20-50 Hours: Watch most of ‘Zodiac

via GIPHY

I heard David Fincher’s account of America’s most infamous unsolved string of murders is good, but golly if it wasn’t such a marathon. You might have finally have the time though if you’re waiting for your dealer.

50-100 Hours: Create a catalogue of tree bark rubbings

via GIPHY

No, I’m not joking. Take a few days to stroll around and figure out what trees are in your area. All you need is a pencil and piece of paper. Place the paper across the bark and then color over it with the pencil to create a pattern. You’ll be amazed by all the things you’ll notice that you never have before. More importantly, you won’t notice that (still) you are waiting for your dealer.

5-10 Days: Go camping

via GIPHY

Those tree bark rubbings really got you excited about nature, eh? Well, if you have a little more than a week to kill, why not pitch a tent in the wild yonder and appreciate the simple things?

10-100 Days: Beat ‘Dark Souls III

via GIPHY

Finally, enough time to overcome the average Japanese video game!

100-300 Days: Volunteer for a city council member’s campaign

via GIPHY

Federal politics get all the hype but civic politics are often the most influential on your daily life. If there’s a city council member who really speaks to you and your causes, why not consider investing some time in them?

1-5 Years: Run for city council

via GIPHY

You saw how others make change, now you can try taking charge. That’s the spirit!

5-10 Years: Reflect on why you lost your bid for city council

via GIPHY

Get on up, dust yourself off and try again!

10-20 Years: Start a think tank

via GIPHY

Council was child’s play anyway, this is where true influence is born.

20-50 Years: Create an escape plan

via GIPHY

Where did this political dynasty go wrong? The target on your back couldn’t be bigger, your face known and despised. Your ambitions have eaten you alive. Why did you forget about the trees? The trees!

50-90 Years: Find a new dealer

via GIPHY

Starting to think this guy isn’t coming?

Dec 21, 2017