“Do you happen to have any cookies left? I got a guy coming by.”
Photo by Frank P. Wartenberg/Getty Images
Folks, it is that yuletide once again. There’s a chill in the air. There are lights everywhere. Mariah Carey is playing ad nauseam. The weirder Oreos are on sale.
It is the time of year to appreciate the important people in your life. Friends, family, neighbours, local baristas, barflies and, of course, that very special someone who’s been keeping you jolly all year around.
If you’ve got a good dealer in your life, then there’s no time like the holidays to make them feel appreciated. Through rain, sleet or snow, river deep and mountain high, they’ve turned up time and time again with the herbs and incense.
Here’s a list of festive texts to send to your dealer this holiday season. They’re not a request for anything in particular, just to wish them good tidings, regardless of whether they come in a car, on a bike or on Donner, Blitzen, Comet, or Cupid.
1. Thank you for bringing me herbs even if there isn’t a gigantic glowing star over my house.
2. I need something that’ll do me like chestnuts on an open fire.
3. Do you think one fluid ounce of oil could last me eight days?
4. I don’t know if you’re using the same list as that North Pole dude but, scout’s honor, I’ve been very good this year.
5. I don’t know what this shit you gave me is but I’ve been visited by at least three ghosts tonight.
6. Should we do a Secret Santa this year?
7. I was kind of hoping for more than myrrh.
8. It’s not a seasonal thing, sativas always make me dream of dancing plums.
9. Do you take gelt?
10. I know this seems like a low hurdle to pass over but I’m watching Home Alone 4 and French Stewart is no Daniel Stern.
11. Feliz naviDAB.
12. Do you happen to have any cookies left? I got a guy coming by.
13. One for me and one for my man, the snowman.
14. I’m sorry I keep sending you YouTube links. Happy holidays.