Watch The Cheesy Movie Trailer Trump Made For Kim Jong Un To Inspire Peace

No joke. It features suns setting and horses running along the sand.

U.S. President Donald Trump (R) and North Korea's leader Kim Jong Un (L) shake their hands as they participate in a signing ceremony

U.S. President Donald Trump (R) and North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Un (L) shake hands as they participate in a signing ceremony as part of the US-North Korea summit, at the Capella Hotel on Sentosa Island in Singapore on June 12, 2018. (Photo by Kevin Lim / The Straits Times / Handout/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images)

Just when you think things cannot possibly get more embarrassing for America, they do. President Trump, already the world’s leading buffoon, decided to secure his spot in the absolute goof hall of fame by making a fake movie trailer featuring himself, Kim Jong Un, and…some kids in bumper cars!?

It is, to be blunt, completely batshit. Both the trailer itself, and the fact that the ostensible leader of the free world thought it was a reasonable and dignified thing to do. The trailer, which he presented to Kim towards the end of the summit, is a cobbled together mess of meandering, pedestrian thoughts and stock imagery. 

As images of the pyramids, Trump, Kim, a fast-looking train, a girl in a wheat field, someone doing VR, courthouse time lapses, Trump, that damn train again, and more Trump flash by, the narrator informs us that:

“History is always evolving, and there comes a time when only a few are called upon to make a difference. But the question is, what difference will the few make? The past doesn’t have to be the future.”

It cannot, by definition, be the future, you dipshits! But the vagaries do not end there, of course.

The video moves into persuasion mode, hoping to evoke some of Kim’s noblest emotions.

“Destiny Pictures presents a story of opportunity,” it says, conveniently ignoring the fact that Destiny Pictures is 100% made up. “A new story, a new beginning. One of peace. Two men, two leaders, one destiny. A story about a special moment in time, when a man is presented with one chance which may never be repeated. What will he choose? To show vision and leadership? Or not?”

The alternative, of course, is presented as a thinly veiled threat of nuclear annihilation, which is pretty par for the course with Trump. After the mushroom clouds and the swooshing F-16 make their cameos, the weirdly soporific stock imagery returns, and the trailer spends some time speculating on how totally rad it would be if Kim just, like, played nice ’n stuff. The harsh, empty grocery shelves of the sad, wartime portion of the video are replaced by a shopping cart full of bananas and pineapples.

“Be part of that world,” the narrator urges, as the bumper car kids have their moment, “where the doors of opportunity are ready to be opened.”

After he finishes offering up the next 17,674 platitudes in the script, the narrator finally introduces us to the film’s stars: “Featuring President Donald Trump and Chairman Kim Jong Un…. in a meeting to remake history. To shine in the sun. One moment, one choice, what if? The future remains to be written.”

Please write me out of it.