10 Hilarious Stoner Jokes

Light up and enjoy these 10 funny stoner jokes that we have found!

Jokes and cannabis go together like peanut butter and jelly. Most people would consider themselves more clever under the influence of cannabis and these jokes are the perfect blend of humor and wordplay. So light a joint and get ready to laugh, here are 10 hilarious stoner jokes from around the internet.

Q: How do all stoner stories start?

A: This one time when I was high…

It’s true, many stories do start like that, but it only makes it more awesome.


Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?

A: They are both baked chickens.

Mmmmm… Baked chicken…

2897465409 6b9573e60d b 1024x685 Successful CEOs Who Have Enjoyed The Herb
Photo credit: kusabi

Q. How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?

A. I don’t know! I’ve never had it longer than an hour!

We challenge anyone to smoke a pound in an hour. Even you, Snoop!


Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?

A: You can’t smoke too much weed.

(No one has ever died from smoking too much marijuana, smoke away. Plus Obama thinks it’s funny (see below).

obama Successful CEOs Who Have Enjoyed The Herb
Photo credit: barbwire

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?

A: Drug Abuse.

Stop drug abuse today.


Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn’t inhale?

A: Mr. President.  

No one believes you Bill, you can’t fool anyone.


Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?

A: The cop!

Unfortunately, as funny as it is, this is still an actual reality. Complete insanity.


Q: How do you know when you are stoned?

A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

We’ve all been there, right E.T?


Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?

A: Man, this music sucks.

Weed might be a miracle drug, but nothing will make Nickelback sounds good.

Q: What is a stoner’s idea of a balanced diet?

A: A joint in each hand!

A joint a day keeps the doctor away!


Featured image h3c7or / Shutterstock

August 25, 2015 — Last Updated
Written by HERB

The Latest

Sign up for our newsletter

Weed, Delivered.

Get 20% off premium weed and discover the latest products, news, and deals in cannabis.
August 25, 2015 — Last Updated
Written by HERB

Latest Articles

5 New Music Releases You Should Listen To This Weekend While You’re Stoned

Read More

Stay up to date

Get the latest in cannabis straight to your inbox.
Cannabis For You, Near You


Made in Los Angeles and Toronto